Ending The Game

A variety of consequences follows from this narrow purpose in life: one may feel emptiness arising out of “under living life.” The desire to make a positive difference (or even an optimal positive difference) to family, friends, community, organization, colleagues, church, culture, and society (Level 3) goes unfulfilled. One begins to think that one’s life doesn’t really make any difference to the world or to history – “the world is not better off for my having lived.” To make matters worse, one’s desire for the ultimate (in Truth, Love, Goodness, Beauty, and Being – indeed, God) is also unfulfilled. Though one longs for the ultimate with all one’s heart, one’s obsession with Level 2 precludes the pursuit of Level 4. Again, one’s spirit reacts with a profound sense of emptiness, a sense of under living life, a more and more poignant awareness that “I am wasting the little precious time I have in this world.”

Furthermore, a large array of negative emotions begins to accompany this emptiness. Most of these emotions arise out of a fixation on comparative advantage. Since a dominant Level 2 identity treats status, admiration, power, control, winning, etc. as ends in themselves, it is compelled to seek comparative advantage as its fulfillment. This fixation requires not only that I progress more and more (in status, power, winning, etc.), but also that I have more of it than Joe, Sue, Frank, and Mary. When I do not have more, when I am not better than others, I profoundly believe that my life is either stagnant or slipping away. I feel a profound diminishment in self-worth and success. And so I begin to feel jealousy, a malaise about life, inferiority, loneliness, frustration, and even a terrible sense of self-pity and resentment.

One might respond that these negative emotions do not befall the dominant Level 2 winner, for to the victor go the spoils. While it is true that winners do receive significant ego-gratification, it is worth noting that the above-mentioned emptiness still follows in its wake. Furthermore, such winners are obliged to increase in their Level 2 successes, because they cannot attain any sense of progress without doing so. If they do not continually increase in their successes, they experience the same kinds of malaise, inferiority, jealousy, frustration, and self-pity as non-winners.

Moreover, these winners contract a peculiar disease – namely, the desire to be overtly admired. When perceived inferiors do not acknowledge the winner’s superiority (and their own inferiority by comparison), the winner feels tremendous resentment. “You have not given me the accolades I deserve. And furthermore, you are actually treating yourself as my equal – who do you think you are? It’s outrageous.” This peculiar disease has another aspect which Saint Augustine well recognized, namely, contempt. Dominant Level 2 winners can’t help it. They really do feel that their lives are worth more than other people’s lives, and so they either project contempt or (if they are more enlightened) they are patronizingly condescending (“That’s a nice little project you did there”). In the end, such winners cannot afford to fail; if they do, those whom they have treated with contempt will ravage them.

Furthermore, a winner’s self-image cannot tolerate being embarrassed in front of inferiors (“Spitzer, you pronounced the word ‘spectroscopy’ improperly three times. I cannot believe that a person of your caliber would make such a mistake.” I go to my room, close the door, and play that excruciating tape over and over again in my mind until I want to do myself physical harm, for the physical pain would be so much better than… “I can’t believe I made that mistake in public. Aaarrgghh!”). Dominant Level 2 winners also feel the need to blame others for all their failures (because, in principle, they cannot fail).

In sum, winners better be perfect; but then again, they can’t be altogether perfect. So winners must construct a huge façade and then protect it; but then again, they cannot construct a façade impenetrable enough to keep observant inferiors at bay. So, dominant Level 2 winners better be prepared for contempt, resentment, blame, anger, debilitating ego-sensitivities, and above all, loneliness – for no one (except Mother Theresa, and maybe their own mothers) will want to be around them for any other reason than sheer necessity. The reason I know all these things is because I have struggled and continue to struggle with these negative emotions (from both winning and losing). Nevertheless, I can attest that Level 3 (the contributive/love) and Level 4 (the transcendent/spiritual life) help immeasurably to diminish the pain, emptiness, and obsession of a dominant Level 2 identity. Indeed, as will be seen, the spiritual life can break the grip of a dominant Level 2 identity, and usher in a life of sublimity in God.